Absolutely Zero is how I feel now. Energy: Zero. Inspiration: Zero. Anything else: Zero.
There are times in life when you feel like you have absolutely zero. The funny thing is your not dirt poor. Your not alone. Your not hated, an outcast, or loathed. Neither are you being looked for, indicted, or searched by authorities.
Your just not needed. Not wanted. You've drown in the sea of work, daily routine, and life. You can be blamed and forgotten the next day. They don't even ask for repayment because your not needed. You might want to apologize but they don't need it, won't hear it, will just ignore it.
You've lost hope but you can't die. Its against your inner will, a small flicker of hope inside that can't be destroyed. Sometimes you think why its there. You think God is all benevolent, there must be a reason why that sun in you can't burn out.
Its a torture everyday that passes. To be the same person you don't want to be everyday, every single day of your existence. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and you count the days. And its pathetic. All this is pathetic. Sometimes you wanna run away but to where and for what? Who would care. You'll just get tired. It'll be a nuisance to yourself. You don't run because your just too tired. Too tired mentally, physically and emotionally. Nothing gives you inspiration anymore.
Nobody is dependable, reliable to you. Nothing makes you happy. Even those moments, those people who you'd run to. Cherish to be with, it becomes stale because they're sick of you. Tired of you. Your a baggage. You need to be thrown away. They think you've lost it. And you become paranoid.
Nobody remembers you. Nothing holds you. Nothing keeps you. Nobody remembers you put water in the shampoo. Nobody remembers you fix their things, keep them orderly. Nobody remembers you tuck them in a blanket. Nobody remembers that you care.
You wish you can just cut all ties. Start over. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to do. Nothing to look forward to, nothing to think about, to worry about. no expectations, no discriminations. Nothing.
You think hard and then. Everythings gone. You wake up from this dream and everythings normal again. You hate it because it's not a dream. You just came to the realization that logically self-pity won't help you forget the dream. Remove it from your system.
Who wants a life like this? Its for sale. Pay no more than Absolutely Zero.
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